I’ve been having some trouble sleeping lately, and I am quite tired and cranky. Lately I have both a short fuse and a lot on my mind. I am in the middle of a bunch of projects right now, and I keep flitting from one to the next, which means nothing’s really getting  finished, though everything is being worked on diligently.  I am feeling so out of sorts…  I am also in one of my fat cycles. Usually, I am either in the midst of losing weight or gaining it (I suck at maintenance) and right now I’m deep in the fun-at-the-moment but ultimately remorse inducing pig-out part of the cycle. Also, PMS is added to the mix this week.

So last night I sensed that obviously, the time was ripe for a relationship/ status/ do you think I’m fat and why do you love me? and can we cuddle? discussion with my husband.

I’ve never been one to leave a ripe fight unplucked to die on the vine!

…It did NOT go well.

I asked him if we could talk and he immediately looked around for an escape pod. Luckily, I’d already jettisoned the last one. He sighed heavily and muted the TV. He was spread out on the couch in full lounge mode, so I lovingly inserted myself underneath his arm and lay my head upon his chest. I closed my eyes.

“What did you want to talk about?” he said. “The commercial’s almost over with.”

“Ive been having trouble sleeping lately,” I started.

He began rubbing my back. “What’s bothering you, Babe?”

I looked up at him, almost ready to cry and said, “I just feel so …udderless lately.”

“I mean–” I started to say.

“Udderless?” he said quickly.

Irritated, I rolled my eyes. “I MEANT rudderless. Anyway–”

“Because I wasn’t aware that you WERE a bovine, dear,” he said.

…Title question answered.  Game, set, match.