I love the close of a new year.  It’s a time for contemplation.  A time for resolutions and one last hurrah of overeating!  A time to be grateful for the blessings of the last year and to be a bit fearful of what awaits around the corner in the new one.  Without fail, every year about this time I start wondering and worrying about what the new year holds and my anxiety goes through the roof.

I have been pretty lucky deathwise in my family.  My parents are both still alive.  So are my sisters.  My children.  I’ve never had a friend die.  One year, I KNOW that the deaths are gonna start coming, probably in batches, and this terrifies me.  What if the new year brings cancer?  What if it’s a year filled with chemotherapy, which is something that I definitely don’t want me or any of my loved ones to suffer though?  What if it brings a horrendous car accident or disfigurment?  I don’t know why I worry about this at the end of every year, but I do.  I wish I could stop it. 

Then I start wondering about where we’ll be next year at this time.  Is there a huge move in the future?  A job change?  Financial trouble?  I know that life can change in the blink of an eye for the better and especially for the worst, and there are no do overs.

What if I make the wrong decisions?  What if I make a really serious mistake with horrible, long-term consequences?

I’m usually a sunny optimist, really I am, but I do know how to make my skin crawl with anxiety.  It’s like a scab that I can’t help picking in late December.  Like a car accident that I can’t look away from. 

Will Dick Clark be around next year to ring in the New Year with me?  Will I still be around to ring it in with him?  (No, I am not ill.  Just morbid).  I always start the new year with prayer and hope for the best year ever.  I do know that whatever happens God is in control and he is a good and loving God with my best interests at heart.  I just wish there was some way to peel back the curtain and take a peek at the coming highs and lows of the year, take a few notes and get mentally ready before crossing the threshold.

Oh well.  Since I seem to have misplaced my crystal ball, may you all have a blessed, peaceful and prosperous 2009!

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