You know, I never had a weight problem until I started having children.  I was a rail-thin child and young adult.  I managed to get my figure back after my oldest was born, but I had two more children in quick succession and suddenly, for the first time ever, I was fat.  I went on my first diet ever when I was in my late twenties and I did very well with it.  I lost all the weight I needed very quickly and I couldn’t understand why this was a problem for other people.  That was a big mistake.  Pride goeth before a fall and all that jazz.

Then I got pregnant with twins and I gained 65 lbs.  I was told to do it, and I followed my doctor’s advice to the letter.  The upside was that I ended up with HUGE healthy babies and no C-section.  The downside was that I have NEVER gotten my body back for any length of time since my twins were born.  I was SO enormous at the end of my pregnancy that I didn’t even recognize myself.  I couldn’t drive because my stomach couldn’t fit behind a wheel.  I couldn’t fit into the booths at restaurants.  I was a spectacle everywhere I went.  Honestly, I was the largest pregnant woman I’ve ever seen outside of women who are carrying sextuplets.  Women used to come up to me and spontaneously express their pity.  “You POOR thing!” they’d say as I lumbered along resentfully in the Florida summer’s heat.

After the babies were born,  I was left with a body I didn’t recognize.  I had a saggy, drooping stomach, stretchmarks on top of stretchmarks  (TMI, perhaps?)  and a lot of extra weight.  I lost 42 lbs in the first two weeks just because I was breast feeding and weight was just sloughing off of me.  But then I started to gain it back.  Slowly at first and then faster and faster.  I went on a diet and lost some.  Then I’d gain some.  Then I’d lose it again.  Over and over and over I’d yo-yo.  Now I was not so complacent.  Not so prideful about my own skinny body and abilty to lose  weight at the drop of a hat.

I began running again.  I would lose some.  Then I’d slack off on the exercise and I’d gain it back again.  Right now, I’m nowhere near my heaviest weight, but I’m also nowhere near my thinnest.  So, I am going to attempt to diet one last time.   As luck would have it, the new year approacheth, which is a wonderful opportunity to start anew.  I’d like to finally get a handle on this weight thing for good.  Yes, Lord, I believe we can chalk this down to a lesson learned.  Okay?  No more pridefulness.  I am humble and you can just let this lesson go and move on to the next one.  M’kay?  Pleaaasse?

I am going to spend the first part of the new year exercising like mad and eating for one and not for a football team.  Then I shall attempt that thing I cannot seem to figure out.  Maintenance!  If all goes well, I shall be ready for my appearance on Oprah around late April, early May-ish. 

I’m sure she’s penciling like mad to squeeze me in… 😉

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